Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
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I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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