her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
