Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
