Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
