the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
