hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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