Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
