A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
