Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
