No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
