My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
