I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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