My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
