I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
