The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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