tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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