Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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