so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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