I got chris browned last night
operation have a gay friend backfired
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
