The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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