I'm going to jail i love you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
