According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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