YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
