Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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