In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
