i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
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What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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