if i can run in heels then i can drive
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
