is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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