I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize