im about as happy as oj after his trial
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
