so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
