I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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