im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
