I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
