i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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