I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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