when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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