she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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