I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
