my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
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I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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