Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
