party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i think i just lost a toe
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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