I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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