ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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