"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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