I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
