Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize