i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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