dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
