I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
