Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
