you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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