if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
