sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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