nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
