Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
