i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
