you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize