Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
ttyl tear gas
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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