in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just had sex on a roof
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
