If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
