this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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