ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
