Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
