Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
